Last year, I ran a group program through Facebook with an incredible group of women. It was a space where people were open and honest and supportive, even when – especially when – hard things were happening. It was a very best kind of community. The overall feedback was positive, but I wanted to dig deeper.
“What was missing?” I wanted to know. The answer quite surprised me.
“You,” they said.
“We wish we would have seen more of YOU. The questions you asked challenged us. We thought about things in ways we’d never thought of before.”
One person even said part of her felt a little cheated because I’d pop in and share, but she felt that I was holding back.
A friend had shared something similar with me a year or so earlier.
When I ran a small group again, I received similar feedback.
When something happens once, maybe it’s a fluke. When it happens twice, my ears perk up. When it happens three times. It’s definitely a pattern.
I knew it was a pattern, but I kept hoping it would just change. (LOL)
My big question was “Really – why would they want more of me?” And this wasn’t some self-deprecating false humility question to make me feel better about myself. Part of the answer was that my BEING had something to offer that my DOING couldn’t fulfill. And I realized…
I was hiding.
I was happy to organize the group and challenge them intellectually, but I was hesitant to invest myself emotionally.
I was hiding.
I was reluctant to show and share more of me.
I was hiding.
I was afraid if I said too much I’d hurt, offend, or misunderstand someone.
I was hiding.
Why?
I didn’t trust that who I was, the BE part of me, was as valuable as the DO part of me. So I only offered the DO part. It’s easier to take when that part gets rejected or ignored. I was afraid I wouldn’t find real connection. But it’s the BE part that creates meaningful connections between ourselves and others.
We all hide to some extent – some of us more than others. Rejection says if “everyone” knew who we are, they wouldn’t like us. They wouldn’t buy from us. They would push us aside and tell us we’re stupid. I bet all that and more has happened to you. It hurts. It’s disconnection.
But, the brave thing, the resilient thing, the thing that takes more strength and more boldness is to show up again and again as our real selves.
Yep – Disconnection and Rejection are in the audience. Can you see them in Row 4? They’re looking for a good show. They want to see what you can DO.
Connection’s out there, too. Near the back. She knows there’s more to see and she’s waiting patiently, encouraging you. She’s cheering you on each time you take a risk to BE your true self, to share your wisdom, to lead courageously, to BE as you.
She looks a LOT like you.
If you would like to talk more about how you are hiding and explore how to be you, connect with me below!
